Ear Spiral

So one of our good friends, R, had her grandfather pass away last week. She's had something of an erratic family life, and was very close to him. An old navy man, he was adorned with numerous tattoos, including, on his left forearm, the traditional red heart with a banner across it. (Since he didn't have a steady girl at the time, he had his own name tattooed in the banner.) R sat by his bedside for two weeks staring at that tattoo -- and finally decided that, in memory of him, she would get the same tattoo and have it read 'Papa'. Aphrodite and I went along for the ride -- neither of us had ever seen a tattoo done -- and enjoyed ourselves immensely. R loved the final product.

However, one of the mysteries of a tattoo parlor is that, even if you're just accompanying a friend, it always seems to make you consider getting something done yourself. (Or, at least, it did me and Aphrodite.) We'd both toyed with the tattoo idea for years, but have yet to find anything that clicks and makes us go, "YES!" So we held out, but at one point, I wandered over to the opposite side of the store, where they did their piercings. "What would you pierce?" I asked Aphrodite and R. They mentioned various possibilities -- eyebrows, noses -- but there was nothing that felt quite right to me there, either.

Then, suddenly, I remembered something from my freshman year of college. A classmate had had an ear spiral (top image, NOT the bottom one), and I stared at it every day for the entire semester, marveling at how cool it was -- unique without being trashy. I hadn't thought about it in years, but standing there, I knew that was what I wanted.

I've got to wait a while -- from the research I've done on the internet, cartilage piercings take a long time to heal and can easily get infected, so I want to wait until I'm done training for the marathon in October and don't have sweaty hair falling over fresh piercings every day -- but if I still want it by the time the race is over, I think I'm going to do it.

Anybody out there have any piercings or tattoos? Any good stories associated with them? I'd love to hear them!

Ignorance, again

Last week, a woman came into the office for her four-year-old son's kindergarten physical. I enjoyed them -- the child was friendly and engaging, the mother firm but good-natured. We went through the standard stuff (weight, height, blood pressure, vision screen, hearing screen) at a rapid pace. As I told him about the headphones he was going to wear for the hearing test, I said, "They're really cool -- they make you look like a pilot!"

"Ohhh, we've got to tell Jen-Mom that you wore pilot headphones!" his mom enthused.

Jen-Mom. I smiled, administered the hearing test, and, later, came back to give the boy his shots -- which he handled quite well. On their way out the door, I said, "See you later, guys!"

"Oh, we'll be back soon," the mom assured me. "Our twins are due this week."
"Oh, how wonderful! Boys or girls -- or one of each?" I smiled.
"Two girls," she beamed.
"Are they going to see Dr. Smith too?"
"Yep -- we have an appointment for next Wednesday."
"Fantastic -- then I'll see you guys then!"

I smiled for the rest of the day.

Sure enough, the moms showed up together on Wednesday with a double-length stroller draped in pink. I put each infant through her paces -- naked weight, length, and head circumference -- and chatted with the women. I was really hoping to find a place to casually interject a remark about my girlfriend, to let them know we had a bond, but it never happened. Still, it was the best appointment of my day. Cuddling one of her daughters, the original mother, whose name I never knew, had lost all pretense of being stern or firm, the way she had been with her son. She cooed over both girls, and bubbled over with enthusiasm about their personalities, "She's either eating like a pig, or screaming because she wants to eat some more!" The other mother, Jen-Mom, was beautiful and, though tired (she had given birth to the twins), was visibly thrilled to hear the numbers and see how well her girls were doing. It was really touching to watch, and the atmosphere in the room was very warm and happy. I felt right at home with them, and wished I could have stayed in there all day.

I showed them their exam room and walked back to the nurse's station, still smiling to myself at having experienced such a loving family. As I headed for my chair, Kelly, a new nurse whom I don't care for, leaned over to me with a malicious grin and asked, far too loudly, "Are those turkey-baster babies?"

My cloud of happiness punctured, I stopped in my tracks. "Um, if you mean are there two mothers in the family, then yes." I was extremely offended -- not just on behalf of the family, but because of the ignorant attitude that such a question suggested, even if posed as a joke.

Kelly later apologized -- "I didn't mean to offend you, if I did. I mean, it's obvious that they're, well, you know, gay -- well, I don't mean gay, but -- whatever, it's obvious, and I was trying to be funny..." Watching her squirm almost made me feel better. But not quite. If it had been a man and a woman with adopted Chinese babies, for example, she wouldn't have asked if those were 'imports'. She wouldn't ask if traditionally conceived twins were 'penis babies'. Why is it any more okay to make fun of a lesbian couple? She doesn't know about me -- almost no one at work does -- so she's free to show her true colors, which are turning uglier by the day.

Those twins -- and their brother -- aren't going to grow up thinking that anything is wrong with the way they live. They'll be surrounded by love and support for their entire lives, which is more than a lot of children from 'traditional' families can say. Why should it matter how they were conceived, as long as they made it here? They are deeply loved by two exceptional women and a beautiful big brother. Honestly, I don't know what more anyone can ask for.

*All names have been changed, as usual.

Talent Versus Skill

One of our best friends, K, is an incredible actress and singer -- the kind that makes the hair stand up on your neck. She's had countless years of vocal and theater training, and has lived all over the country while performing in various shows. Although she's in law school now, she admits that she's doing it 80% for the money and because "I had to pick something." If she had the choice, she'd make her living through the theater. She is beautiful and hilarious, with enough personality and talent for three people. I've heard her sing on many occasions -- usually intentionally massacring a song for purposes of a laugh -- but had never seen her act. Aphrodite, who was good friends with K in high school, assured me that she was phenomenal, and we finally attended one of her plays this past Wednesday. I was blown away. K sang an operatic piece, which I'd never heard her do with any seriousness and which totally impressed me. She also distinguished herself from the other actors by continuing to 'act' even when the spotlight was elsewhere -- changing her facial expressions, gesturing, making her presence known however she could. Whenever she was with a partner in one of those quiet moments, such as dancing in the background while another character was speaking, she took the lead, constantly changing things up and keeping her partner from becoming monotonous. At one point, she and her dancing partner were supposed to be drunk, and although the actor speaking was being very serious, the entire audience was looking at K (who was dancing outlandishly, taking her partner's tie in her teeth, etc.) and cracking up.

At the end, when she came out and took her bow, she spotted us in the audience, grinned from ear to ear, and gave us a tiny wave. Everyone sitting around us noticed and started asking questions -- "Do you know her?" "Is she a friend of yours?" "She was incredible!" We were so proud of her.

After meeting K, giving her the flowers we'd brought, and sitting and talking for a while, Aphrodite and I had a long conversation on the way home about talent versus skill. We decided that a skill is something you can learn to do, even learn to do extremely well -- but that a talent is something you're born with. While you might need to hone it, or work on it to develop associated skills, one cannot 'acquire' a talent. Most of the other actors on that stage were extraordinarily skilled. K has talent -- in spades.

Rarely have I ever been so proud of (or so starstruck by) a friend -- but at the same time, it awakens a sense of desperation in me. K is so talented and so deserving, and yet the chances of her ever 'making it' in that business are slim. Reality is that she'll probably end up wearing power suits to a courthouse every day, hating her job, and acting in a couple of tiny community theater plays every year to give herself a little taste of joy. She's so much better than that, and yet there is nothing I can do to help give her what I know she deserves. Watching her was a bittersweet feeling -- if she weren't so damn good, I wouldn't feel so desperate to see her succeed.

Anybody out there with theater connections? ;)